Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead (C.S. Lewis).
I always assumed that money has no firm hold over me. When I was about to leave my previous job and interviewing with new employers, compensation was not really the most important consideration for me. But remember the saying that we’ll never know how bad we really are until being bad is the only option left? How true! And how painful the truth is for me!
Just today, I discovered something that caused me to black out for a second (from the enormity of the numbers, I guess). I learned how much my managers are earning, which is waaaaaaay beyond what I ever imagined for their levels. And I felt bad, jealous, dissatisfied with myself even. I feel ashamed of how I feel. And I realize that the reason why I feel this way is because I compare myself against them and put too much pressure on myself to achieve as much in the future, if not now. But I know I don’t have reason to do this. We each live different lives, have had different experiences and have different passions, so it’s but natural for us to take varying paths and get to our destinations at varying timelines, too.
I suddenly remember Paul’s example of being content in all circumstances, but I have to admit that this new knowledge makes contentment extremely hard to practice. I need help! So tonight, I will spend time surrendering my fears and dissatisfaction to God and sincerely hope that tomorrow, I’d feel better. I don’t know if I can fully go back to my simple, less ambitious, contented self immediately but I hope I do, because it was a better version of me.
*Sigh* Time to claim God’s promise that his grace is sufficient for me. Please pray for me, too!
It may seem unbelievable but yes, cats represent beginnings for me.
When I was a child, a cat marked the beginning of teaching me about responsibility. I saw how my parents rewarded our cat everytime it would bring along a mouse that’s been feasting on our furniture. I saw how it patiently cared for its adorable kittens and tolerated their insistent gnawing all day long. And of course, I saw how it remarkably kept itself clean by licking almost all of its body parts!
The same cat also marked the beginning of teaching me to value my limited time here on earth. For when it passed away, we were not warned. It just happened. We woke up and it was no more.
How I wish that I won’t end up wasting the wonderful beginnings our cat unknowingly taught me. So each day, I hope to live responsibly, patiently, joyfully, knowing that the end might begin anytime without warning.
I’ve been in my line of work for three years, and yet I keep on wondering whether I’m on the right track. I have often heard that God has given us gifts, which make us productive and effective if we practice our gifts in our careers. I believe this is true, but I can’t connect it with the fact that I’m always being asked to change, specifically to be more outgoing, to express my opinions more, to talk more often.
I’m very quiet most of the time (except those times when I’m goofing around with friends), so I’m very tempted to find a job that will require me to accomplish things on my own most of the time (which I notice lets me accomplish much because I can concentrate better this way). My current job requires me to interact a lot with other people, and my boss is often asking for my views and expects answers right away. I honestly feel that I’m not at my best here, and I find it hard to keep up with my colleagues when asked to speak out and give my views on the spot.
On the other hand, I wonder if it’s true that doing this more often will eventually help me be better at it. Some say going out of our comfort zones should be good for us. Has anybody here experienced the same?
I love reading. So for most of life, that’s just what I did–read, read, read. To the point that when I was a kid, my mom would keep me from books because I might get dizzy from excessive reading, haha! Unfortunately, I have always thought of myself as the appreciative type; simply meaning, sure I love and appreciate creativity, but I cannot create from scratch :p But it’s a new year anyway, so I decided to challenge myself. And now it’s out, this blog is my attempt at being creative. And oh yes, I do keep a personal handwritten journal, but I thought it wouldn’t be very helpful for this cause because (1) I notice I just fill it with complaints and prayers (2) my life is pretty boring and my needs are fairly unchanging, so I just keep repeating myself to God (3) I receive no tangible feedback. Sooo…I really really hope that some of you’ll be kind enough to help me by giving advice, feedback, etc. 🙂
Since one of my main goals is to keep my eyes on God always, I’ll write about him and how he’s working in my life. Please also watch out for my exciting reading and travel adventures (yey).
I have to admit I’m still a baby at blogging, so I’ll live up to that name by being a dependent/adorable leech. That means I’ll prioritize connecting with people who’ll be of some help by giving me much-needed advice and feedback. Haha, just kidding! I’ll connect with just about anyone, especially anyone kind enough to show interest in my start-up blog. Who knows, 2014 might just prove to be a good year for creative writing…Wish me the best!
When I look upon the kinds of books that I love, I realize three things that unify most of them–spiritual/inspirational, adventurous, quotable. All three exist in the Narnia/LOTR series, so that explains why they appeal to me so much.
Lately though, I notice that I rarely find new books to love, and I catch myself just rereading books that I have already finished. I also find less and less passages to highlight while reading on my Kindle. Sigh, I hope I’ll find new loves this 2014. Book suggestions are welcome!